Thursday, December 28, 2006

Jew of the Year

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This year I started liking SNL again and Andy Samberg is the reason. This boychik is the brains behind some of the funniest moments in the show's recent history. Anyone who can make me laugh as hard as I do watching these two vids deserves to be my 2006 "Jew of the Year".

Oh he's real cute you say? Great Body? Funny I hardly noticed.....




Uncensored Dick



Natalie Portman Raps

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Hey Gerald...Thanks for nothing

Dear President Ford,

So now it appears, according to Bob Woodward, that you disagreed with the White House's entire Iraq war policy as early as July 2004 but didn't want your feelings known till after your death.
Thanks a lot Gerald.
If this is offensive, pardon me President Ford. It just feels like another case of the Republican "good ole boy" thing where it would have been more important for you to stay silent on behalf of the "cheney-of-command" than to speak up for the country.

Perhaps you were afraid that in voicing your true opinions you were going to have to pay the price that others did just months before?

The more I think about it the more my blood boils. Your voice, a couple of years ago could have possibly changed the course of this bloody mess we are in.


Well it's not all bad Gerald. At least you married well.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Kind of bitchy...don't you think?

This little morsel of devilish delight courtesy of sports reporter Mark Starr of Newsweek, who was commenting on figure skating's 2006 Olympic Silver Medalist Sasha Cohen of the United States:


"I am delighted to see that Sasha Cohen is finding success as an actress. She was a beautiful skater and has shown the potential to be an even better actress. I was always impressed by how she managed to look so surprised when she fell on her tush, given that she fell on her tush all the time."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16314083/site/newsweek/page/5/

Routine

Eat. Work. Gym.
Eat. Work. Gym.
Eat. Work. Gym.
Eat. Work. Gym. Shtup.
Eat. Work. Gym.
Eat. Work. Gym.

Will it be any different in 2007?

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Saturday, December 23, 2006

This Week in Pop Culture (in one sentence)

Oprah and Steadman moving in together but we were thinking she was a lesbian like Rosie who goes off on Donald and he makes an ass of himself fighting back because of Tara Conners almost losing her Miss USA tiara for partying too hard with celebrities like Justin Timberlake who tore it up on SNL doing "Dick in a box" while his song "My Love" is number 5 song on Billboard Hot 100 and Miss Beyonce still strong at #1 with "Irreplaceable" and her movie Dreamgirls opens in major cities only with 25 dollar tickets just think that is half the price of what tickets were selling for at the beginning of the week for the new hot show on broadway "Spring Awakenings" which got rave reviews across the board and since ticket demand (and prices) have skyrocketed to $111.25 for orchestra seats.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Bestest Chanukah slash Christmas Gift Ever!

Wow my friend brad got me the best gift. It's the Beatles "Love" Deluxe Set featuring remixed Beatles classics. Also included is a separate DVD which has all the songs recorded in 5.1 Dolby Surround Sound. You have to make sure you get the deluxe edition because they are also selling the CD by itself in the stores. Best songs to me are the druggie induced ones like "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds" and "Strawberry Fields Forever" though its really fun to hear what they did with "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "Help". The sound is incredible on the DVD and because my surround sound speakers are stationary in my living room I am forced to SIT and LISTEN to the music as opposed to moving all over my house folding laundry, cleaning the coffee pot etc etc which would be the normal way this adult A.D.D. guy HEARS music.

PS...I have a confession to make. I am writing this entry while I am playing the DVD and I feel guilty because I am once again HEARING instead of LISTENING but I love you brad and its the thought that counts.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

O'Donnell vs "The Donald"

I love "The View".
I love Rosie.
It seems like everyday there is something going on with that show that everyone is talkingy about.
Yesterday Rosie said some bad things about "The Donald". You can read about the whole fiasco here.
And the response straight from "The Donald"?.
Let's roll the tape....



If you happen to see "The Donald", please let him know that I own a hairsalon and I can help him.

ah the spirit of the season

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Kirstalicious

Kirstie and Fergie
Separated at Birth?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cold Case

Tonight it was unnerving to come face to face with the Walgreen's "Cold Remedy Wall" while my nose was running and I needed instant relief. So many combinations to choose from. An overwhelming, endless list of brands- Nyquil, Alka Seltzer, Benedryl, Comtrex, Tylenol, Dristan, the list goes on and on. Then you have to decide drowsy or non- drowsy. What if I just have enough time to take....a nap? Do I take half of a drowsy pill? Or should I mix a drowsy pill with a non drowsy pill and hope for the best? Honest to god does a 12 hour medication have ANY value after 6 hours? If I take a "decongestant" does that mean that my phlegm-y stuff is going to loosen up and my nose is going to run even more? If I have some Benedryl allergy relief medication left over from hay fever season can I use that for my cold? Is it the same shit as the cold medication? Does a caplet work better than a gel cap?
What happens if I don't have a sore throat but I only have medication that includes sore throat relief? Will I be over medicating? And what is this $20 Mucinex stuff? When did this crap get on the shelf? Does it work? Does anyone ever use generic cold relief medication? If a product called "Wal-dryl" has the same ingredients as "Benedryl" why would it work as well and cost 3 dollars less?

I ended up buying Alka-Seltzer daytime cold tablets and Benedryl D nighttime cold relief.....
But honestly, I think the half pint of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream and 3 giant 7/11 chocolate chip cookies that I purchased on my way home is what will really make me feel better.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The "Amway" Arena

Boy we are so cosmopolitan here in Orlando. The TD Waterhouse Center (home of the Orlando Magic) has been renamed the Amway Arena and you can read about it here.


Just imagine going to a sporting event or concert on "date night" at a venue named the Amway Arena. How trashy. I guess it could be worse if it was the Mary Kay Cosmetics Arena, or the Marie Osmond QVC Doll Collection Arena ....but that's about it.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

All That Glitter

Who is the sadistic monster responsible for the ritual of placing free falling glitter inside of cards and invitations? Nothing says "screw you" better than to open a letter only to be assaulted by a "fairy dust" explosion which instantaneously sets up shop on your clothes, face and floor. Call me neurotic but when the powder starts to fly my first thought is always "ANTHRAX! I AM GOING TO DIE!.." Rushing to the phone I call my mother to say my final farewell and beg forgiveness for the time (35 years ago) I almost dislocated my younger brother's shoulder by pinning him down on the ground and dropping oranges on his head while he struggled helplessly. I figure the call might save me from a fiery hellish afterlife.

The fact that so many of these special invites are for Christmas parties is astounding to me. How festive! Charming! What a way to get the party off to a bad start!


Not to ignite a holy war or anything...
I have been wondering. Is EVERYBODY getting these annoying holiday droppings...or is it JUST THE JEWS on the party list? Could it be a subtle, though not so subtle way to discourage us from partaking in the holiday cheer?

Wait. That is ridiculous to think such a thing. But then again, it's hard to imagine why a Christian would send another Christian an envelope loaded with obnoxious airborne lint. How could ANY recipient refrain from screaming "J__US FU_KI_G CHR_T"!?
Why would someone of faith tempt someone else to say such a thing?

If you are thinking I am a scrooge,,,perhaps you are right. For me, "all that glitter" would become a non-issue if only "OLD ST. NICK-stein" would grant my wish and place one of these under my chanukah bush.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Daughtry

I find it kind of obnoxious that American Idol's Chris Daughtry and the powers that be named his group "Daughtry"...and their first CD's name is...well.... "Daughtry".

Besides the lack of name creativity and obvious ego bloating... it has the feel of a strong-armed "soprano-esque" message to his band- "Don't fuck with me boys cuz at anytime I can leave you cold..."

Jeez.

How is the CD?

Mid-tempo. Formula. Boring. Bland. Hey reminds me of.... this one!

Which then made me wonder...what ever happened to this one?

A Tale of Two Grapefruits

Man it's hit or miss with grapefruits these days. I got one of those "bag-o-grapefruits" from Publix...you know the value priced 8 pack that comes in the netted bag. Yesterday's grapefruit was the juiciest and most delicious one I have ever had. Then today, from the same bag....looking the same as all the other ones in the bag was what must have been a mutated orange disguised as a grapefruit. When I tried to peel it the skin was as thick and tough as an Old Navy bomber jacket. Seriously, I hacked at that thing and broke a nail. When I finally bit into it there was hardly any juice and what was there was bitter as hell! A truly disastorous experience particularly when just 24 hours ago I was basking in the glow of the perfect fruit.

Is consistency in produce too much to ask for?

A Message to the Lead Pussycat Doll

Dear Lead Pussycat Doll,

I certainly don't want to come off as "catty", but after seeing your performance on the American Music Awards it has become apparent that the time has come to leave the group and put the other Dolls out of their misery. The bottom line? You sing, they don't. Don't worry Lead Pussycat Doll, those four must be keenly aware that they are well into 13 of their big 15 minutes....and they should have nine lives each to practice until they get it right. Let them move on, or retire, or partner up with the remnants of Destiny's Child and open a burger joint called "LEFTOVERS".



By the way Lead Pussycat Doll....what the hell is your name anyway?

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