Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Greatest Songs You've Never Heard Before- Vol 1

There are great pop songs out there that never made it anywhere close to the top of the charts because of bad timing, bad production, bad marketing, the wrong singer, etc. etc.

What if these unfortunate melodic mishaps were given a second lease on life? Every so often I will feature a "musical misfire" and suggest the artist that might resuscitate the "left for dead" track.

Take for example the none-hit wonder Milira. "Go Outside In the Rain" was featured on her self titled debut album which probably sold like 3 copies in 1989. Other notables off this cd are versions of Marvin Gaye's "Mercy Mercy Me" as well as "Until You Come Back To Me" originally recorded by Aretha Franklin . These soul classic renditions are just so-so, and the production on "Rain" is entirely heavy handed. I also didn't like her interpretations of most of the songs on the CD- entirely too jazzy for the subject matter. Still the melody line and lyrics of "Go Outside In the Rain" shine through I dig the words " I wanna go outside in the rain, so no one no one no one no one can see me crying." A great vision.

Fast forward to 2007.... Jennifer Hudson can you hear me? Listen this ain't no dream girl. Take your diva self and record this song. Make it a hit!

Milira- Go Outside In the Rain

Milira from

PS I will add writing credits for the song but currently they are no where to be found.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

You've Never Looked Better

The other day I overheard someone say to my friend Steve "You've never looked better."

Steve replied "Thank you that is so kind of you to say."

I pointed out to Steve that this was not necessarily a compliment. What if this person, for instance, thought Steve had consistently looked like crap for as long as he had known him? Then perhaps "You've never looked better" might just mean that this person thought Steve just looked slightly better than crap on this particular day.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Teaching my Blackberry Naughty Words

I recently purchased the Blackberry Pearl from T-Mobile which has cool features like voice recognition dialing, an mp3 player, and a camera. I really like the the SureType function. Basically, as you start typing out a word in an email or in a text message the Pearl actually finishes the word saving you time and effort.
My Blackberry does not like to spell out naughty words. Seriously, there must be some mechanism or default that discourages the Pearl to type bad things. This can prove to be a pain in the asa ass particularly when you are texting your friend to tell him he is a dumb duck fuck.

You can actually "train" your blackberry to auto type curse words but it takes a shutload shitload of time for that crsp crap. Someone emailed me to suggest that I try to be a better person by avoiding nasty words altogether.......

My quick response back to him was "DUCK THAT SHUT YOU ASA!"

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Carlos and Me

I play tennis with my friend Carlos all the time. When we play doubles we play with each other as well as against each other with other partners. Carlos is a fantastic player and very smart without a bad bone in his body. However.....
One of his strategies is to whack the opponent who is playing at the net with a hard dead on ball to kind of put him off balance for the rest of the set. It usually works.
But when I am on the net playing against Carlos, he never hits me....
Is it because...I am his friend?
Or is it because I suck so much he doesn't think I am worth hitting?
I kind of wish he would hit me.
Am I a masochist?

Hunker Down and Pray For Daylight We're Going to Jason's Deli!

Do yourself a favor and pop a Xanex before you go to Jason's Deli at the Colonial and Primrose intersection in Orlando- the nightmare plaza where Starbucks, Pei Wei, Chipotle and Jason's collide. I call it the Fast Food Bermuda Triangle. Who is the brain trust that designed the parking lot for this place? My favorite is the perfectly good drive-thru lane along side of Starbucks with the words DO NOT ENTER splattered on the ground. Is this a sick joke?
It's January...which means that all of the 8 men and women in town who ARE NOT eating at one of these establishments for lunch on a Saturday afternoon are trying to make their New Years resolutions stick at LA FITNESS which is also in this shopping center. This means...this poorly designed parking lot becomes....a train wreck.
It's everyone for themselves. If you find a take it even if you have to murder someone.

A spot with a "ten minute" parking sign?
Handicapped parking spot?
Start limping.
Fire lane?
Sleep with a fireman so you can park there.
Here is a tip. Make sure you have a clear understanding of your auto insurance and your deductible because the chances are someone is going to bump you...the narrow sliver-like car aisles are ridiculous.

Isn't Jason's Deli a scream? I imagine that all the Jason's Delis are the same across the country. There is no shortage of staff that is for sure. When was the last time you ate somewhere and said "Man there are TOO MANY staffers here".
When you walk in you place your order with...the order taker. Along with a number and colored ticket receipts he offers instructions. The instructions are often confusing.
"Here is your number take this yellow ticket to the cashier." As I make my way to the cashier, another staffer whisks the yellow ticket out of my hand and offers more instructions. "Take the pink ticket to the cashier, and then take your number to this other line to get your food. When I get to the check out line the cashier asks...."Where is your yellow ticket?" Good lord we are just talking simple sandwiches and salad bar!
And so it goes at Jasons.....
Think of the Ford Motor Car Assembly Line theory gone completely haywire. I am not making fun of the staff....just the system. At Jasons it's a bunch of good natured workers running into each other....anything but efficient. It wouldn't surprise me if the staffers had titles like "Fork Specialist" and Broccoli Liaison"...very specific in their function and service.
"I am the guy who brings you your fork".
I wonder....what does the future hold for a Fork Specialist? What will the Fork Specialist be promoted to?
A couple of things about Jason's Deli:
-It appears that you need to be seen at Jasons in your workout duds even if you haven't been in a gym for like a century. But for the most part it is an attractive crowd so be prepared. Wear clean just never know.
-The salad bar itself is like a trough at a slop house. It's a given that everyone takes a "little sumpthin" whether they purchased the salad bar or not. I am not endorsing this I am just saying.... You walk pop a muffin in your walk by take a piece of watermelon or a carrot stick. Just the way it is. Those that purchase a side salad are allowed one trip to the salad bar. Yeah right. No one follows that rule but yet I find it hysterical watching someone fill up a side salad plate like it was going to be their last meal...
-Oh and about those muffins on the salad bar. Don't eat them. They are very good. Don't eat them which means don't be SEEN eating them. They have carbs...the bad kind. The kind you don't eat within 30 days of your New Years resolution. Have some dignity. Do as I do and horde them in a "Jasons-2-go" bag and scarf them outside as you watch the policeman come to sort out one of the many fenderbenders in the parking lot from hell.
Now that's entertainment!

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