Saturday, December 09, 2006

All That Glitter

Who is the sadistic monster responsible for the ritual of placing free falling glitter inside of cards and invitations? Nothing says "screw you" better than to open a letter only to be assaulted by a "fairy dust" explosion which instantaneously sets up shop on your clothes, face and floor. Call me neurotic but when the powder starts to fly my first thought is always "ANTHRAX! I AM GOING TO DIE!.." Rushing to the phone I call my mother to say my final farewell and beg forgiveness for the time (35 years ago) I almost dislocated my younger brother's shoulder by pinning him down on the ground and dropping oranges on his head while he struggled helplessly. I figure the call might save me from a fiery hellish afterlife.

The fact that so many of these special invites are for Christmas parties is astounding to me. How festive! Charming! What a way to get the party off to a bad start!

Not to ignite a holy war or anything...
I have been wondering. Is EVERYBODY getting these annoying holiday droppings...or is it JUST THE JEWS on the party list? Could it be a subtle, though not so subtle way to discourage us from partaking in the holiday cheer?

Wait. That is ridiculous to think such a thing. But then again, it's hard to imagine why a Christian would send another Christian an envelope loaded with obnoxious airborne lint. How could ANY recipient refrain from screaming "J__US FU_KI_G CHR_T"!?
Why would someone of faith tempt someone else to say such a thing?

If you are thinking I am a scrooge,,,perhaps you are right. For me, "all that glitter" would become a non-issue if only "OLD ST. NICK-stein" would grant my wish and place one of these under my chanukah bush.

1 comment:

Shaun Fernandes said...

lol ur posts are funny, keep it up =)

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