All That Glitter

Who is the sadistic monster responsible for the ritual of placing free falling glitter inside of cards and invitations? Nothing says "screw you" better than to open a letter only to be assaulted by a "fairy dust" explosion which instantaneously sets up shop on your clothes, face and floor. Call me neurotic but when the powder starts to fly my first thought is always "ANTHRAX! I AM GOING TO DIE!.." Rushing to the phone I call my mother to say my final farewell and beg forgiveness for the time (35 years ago) I almost dislocated my younger brother's shoulder by pinning him down on the ground and dropping oranges on his head while he struggled helplessly. I figure the call might save me from a fiery hellish afterlife.

The fact that so many of these special invites are for Christmas parties is astounding to me. How festive! Charming! What a way to get the party off to a bad start!


Not to ignite a holy war or anything...
I have been wondering. Is EVERYBODY getting these annoying holiday droppings...or is it JUST THE JEWS on the party list? Could it be a subtle, though not so subtle way to discourage us from partaking in the holiday cheer?

Wait. That is ridiculous to think such a thing. But then again, it's hard to imagine why a Christian would send another Christian an envelope loaded with obnoxious airborne lint. How could ANY recipient refrain from screaming "J__US FU_KI_G CHR_T"!?
Why would someone of faith tempt someone else to say such a thing?

If you are thinking I am a scrooge,,,perhaps you are right. For me, "all that glitter" would become a non-issue if only "OLD ST. NICK-stein" would grant my wish and place one of these under my chanukah bush.