Nunsense

Times must be tough for the once flying high Flying Nun Sally Fields.

You may also remember her from the "You like me, you really like me" tirade she launched while accepting the Best Actress Oscar (her second) in 1984 for "Places In the Heart".

Her latest acting gig is that of TV spokesperson for BONIVA- the self proclaimed pharmaceutical wonder-drug designed to help boney old broads.


Ain't the bread from "Brothers and Sisters enough? Gee Gidget,you're a sell out!

Chipolte vs. Moes

While my fellow friends and bloggers write about weighty subjects such as life, love and death, I have decided to blog about my new favorite friend- the soft shell taco. My troll/friend Brad turned me on to them about 2 months ago and I haven't stopped eating them since. I am a very easy going guy when it comes to food. If it is good, fast and healthy I can eat the same thing like 20 times (no lie) a week with no problem. This is why I wasn't impressed with whats-his-face from the Subway sub commercials. So what that he eats the same thing every day of his life? So do I. I have my protein shake just about every morning, my Pei Wei Asian Chopped Chicken Salad (hold the rice sticks add a side of veggies) for dinner. And for lunch...well its back to my new friend- the soft shell taco.
Taco Bell is gross but Chipotle (I pronounce it incorrectly as Chi-pol-te) is hot. There is something about the sleek, metalic, stylized look and feel of a Chipotle that makes you feel...."upscale". Funny how you can feel classy as salsa comes streaming down your chin while scarfing your food down like it was your first meal after getting kicked off of "Survivor" in week 12. I can order 3 healthy soft shell tacos and still have enough pesos from a 10 dollar bill to stop for a "Marble Slab" chaser.

On the other hand, there is Moes. "Welcome to Moooooooooes!" is what the staff says when each and every customer walks in. They are sooooooooo friendly there. Boy it is irritating when you are in a piss poor mood from playing an extra shitty tennis match and you just want some quick grub and you hear that "Welcome to Mooooooooooes!" Not only that, even AFTER you hear your own personal "Welcome to Moooooooooes" you have to live it over and over again when every other customer comes in. The tacos at Moes are wrapped in Reynolds Wrap which I don't like. The tacos are bigger.....and may be a bit tastier than Chipotle....but they are definitely messier. In my "circle" (code:gay) a bit tastier is not worth it if the taco is a bit messier.
I like guacamole. I don't like the idea of paying extra for it. It seems so random. Will they decide tomorrow to charge extra for cheese, or sour cream? Why is guacamole so special? Both Chipotle and Moes charge extra for guac BUT....
a lot of times I get it no charge at Chipotle because I ask the "taco creator" to put the lettuce on top of the guac and usually the cashier doesn't see it. At Moes the cashiers are "guac nazis". I usually cant get a freebie there.
Moes gives you free chips (that are really good), Chipotle you have to pay for a brown lunch bag filled with chips.
I like the salsa options better at Moes...
The food tastes fresher at Moes.
But in a classic case of "Style vs. Substance" I would choose Chipotles over Moes though I can't pronounce it correctly worth a damn.

at the deli

I can't stand the way Publix seals it's deli counter meats and cheeses. They do a great job of carving, stacking, and weighing....but why do so many of them fold the bag and place the sticker OVER the bag opening giving you an 87% chance of ripping the bag when you grab for your Arustica Chicken Breast or your Alpine Lace Low Fat Swiss Cheese?.. ..No matter how delicately you try to peel off the label YOU RIP THE BAG possibly exposing the meat to the SPOILING effects of air!
I am already neurotic about the expiration dates of foods. I usually throw food out 2 days before their end dates. (3 days for milk). I am not even sure how to adjust expiration dates to account for possible "air spoilage" from bag leakage.

Am I insane?

Klutz

According to Wikipedia, the definition of Klutz:

A person who is clumsy, foolish, inept, or accident-prone. The term is perhaps derived from the Yiddish klots ('wooden beam'), cognate with the German klotz, meaning a "block" or "lump".

Definition according to me:

One who takes his own tennis racquet and swings a powerful forehand and smacks his own jaw.
Can you imagine? I didn't even THINK it was possible to do such a thing.



I am a klutz.

"Due to Unusual Call Volume....."

Does any company think we actually buy that crap? The new DEFAULT voice mail message for corporate America is

"Due to unusual call volume you may experience a longer than usual hold time blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!"

What a waste of time... Are they trying to piss us off further? When was the last time you called customer service and actually got a human being right off the bat? What really gets me is the bigger the company...The more annoying the customer service. Today was the worst. I had to call my health care provider because I got an email saying they were going to stop my coverage unless I contacted them IMMEDIATELY. I was so panicked I forgot to flush the toilet in a frantic attempt to get to the phone. I dialed and prepared myself for what I knew was inevitable....A minimum 30 minute session in hell....

"Did you know that you can access your account online and get answers to frequently asked questions blah blah BLAH blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!"


"Please say or choose from the following options......"
I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOUR OPTIONS....HOW DO I BYPASS THIS NINE STEP PROGRAM TO GO DIRECTLY TO "INDIRA" THE FRIENDLY INDIAN VOICE THAT WOULD ACTUALLY TRY TO HELP ME IF SHE UNDERSTOOD THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE????" (Hello this is Indira, how can I help you? Do you have your account number? No? How about the name of your second favorite pet who is no longer living?)

"I did not understand your command....please repeat"

G-d forbid you happen to make a mistake during STEP 6 and you hear...

"I did not understand....goodbye".


It's over. Just like that. No recourse whatsoever.

Only thing left to do...start the whole process again....

"Due to unusual call volume......"


Insanity.

Feelings....Nothing More Than Feelings...

Every once in a while I feel something. Like...an emotion. Even if it is fleeting, it's good to know that I still have the capacity to feel.