Monday, July 09, 2007

from the alt>vault --- Razor Blades! A rant!

Hey there. Remember me?

alt>mike returns with new posts next week...

In the meantime I am revisiting some of the crowd favorites from the alt>vault all week long.... Look back and re-read and remember the good times...
you'll laugh...
you'll cry....


This post originally from March of this year....



RAZOR BLADES LEAVE ME BURNED!





I cannot believe how much money I am spending on razor blades. Why isn't there a revolt? I wake up each morning hoping that some hairy bear somewhere has put together a boycott asking us to forgo shaving for a month to display our disapproval over the price of these absurd items. Twelve Mach 3 blades cost me $22.99. Insanity. Each blade is only good on my heavy beard for two shaves before I have to replace.
And this whole business of multiple blades. Can you even find a package of single blade cartridges anywhere? I don't know about you but as a "manscaper" I find it a bit "edgy" using 3 blades...down....there.
If you happen to be the one guy that is still shaving with a single edge let me offer you a simple piece of advice. Don't start experimenting with multiple edges like the Mach 3 or the Quattro. If you do you will never come back. Single edges will just not "cut it" anymore.
Basically, something happens to your beard and it becomes spoiled and demanding- resistant to anything but multiple sharp edged expensive blades.
As for the razor companies it's really just Gillette and Schick. Damn them. So close to a monopoly. Not fair. They control the pricing and we follow like sheep. Shouldn't there be price control guidelines for products we have to use every day? Stamps? Starbucks? Razors?
When Gillette has a new product they usually send suckers like me a sample razor in the mail and like a moron I try it out. A month ago I got this ridiculous "Fusion" blade sample that has a total of 6 sharp edges (5 on the blade plus a sixth side burn trimmer).
How exactly would you explain to aliens from another planet that you use a 5 bladed razor on your face?
It sounds stupid just typing it out.
Well of course the experience of using this blade has made my beard "immune" to all other razors that have come before it. I cannot get a close shave with anything other than the Fusion. I jumped from 3 edges to 5 edges....my beard actually "leapfrogged" over the Quattro (4 edges).
I don't think my beard likes even numbers.
The cost per Fusion blade is something like $3.50. Crazy!

I am sad to say that I have a feeling it will only get worse.
Where exactly will we be a year from now? 8 edges that will actually remove 3 layers of your skin when you shave?

I can almost see the sure to be "Saturday Night Live" skit where Andy Sanberg goes to shave but his skin is removed completely by the eight edged razor blade known as the "Oucho"....

4 comments:

dbv said...

welcome back, been anywhere fun? or just vacationing in your own head? i do that a lot!!! lol...

Paul said...

Mike. I really do need some help shaving. How about it?

...

It's good to hear from you. But, if you don't come by here more often and say something, I might just quit dropping by everyday.

Lewis said...

Oh my god! You're still alive! Looking forward to seeing you Friday evening.

Doug said...

So when Schick and Gillette merge, they'll be Shillette? Or Gick? You know it'll happen.

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