Wednesday, March 21, 2007

ALTernating channels

This is my every so often review of what is happening on the tube. The child below is of no relation, thank you very much. It is our "ALTernating channels" poster child.... changing the channel as we move from one show to another.


Did you see little Ashley on American Idol last night? She wasn't one of the contestants but she stole the show with her lack of restraint. Watch the youtubes below if you need to catch up or get a refresher. Anyway I just have to let her know what I am thinking....

Dear Ashley,

You had me at *sniffle*. I was with you little one. Sanjaya was rocking the house. You couldn't control yourself...I was almost crying myself. Finally, an American Idol moment that Sanjaya could OWN!!!!

And then THIS happened:

Ashley, why the hell are you crying for Nell Carter Melinda Doolittle?
And at the end of the show you were crying for everyone else for crying out loud get a grip Ashley.

Don't get me wrong I love Nell Melinda . I love her 40 year old self. Oh puleez. Every morning I wake up and wonder "Is this the morning the Smoking Gun is going to expose her true age and that she is a mother of 3 with a prison record?"
They keep asking her if she is as nice as she says she is. Geez if someone asked me that question even I would say I was nice too! What are you going to say? "No Simon, I am an evil, evil, old bitter jaded person."
Even if she "pulls one over" the media... to what end? Ok so she is going to win American Idol....and do what? Vegas? Carnival Cruise Lines? Bottom line Melinda can sing like nobody's business but she isn't going to sell records to a pop audience and silly me I thought that what American Idol was all about. That is why I am with Sanjaya, or Jordin Sparks. These two are the total package and they have the ability to sell a lot of records to a lot of young people.

Oh and Ashley, if I can offer you but one piece of advice it would be this. Give your heart. But be selective. In later years you may find the quarterback of your high school football team to be attractive, but that doesn't mean you have to love your way through the linebackers, defensive ends, and cornerbacks to get to him. Do you understand what I am getting at here Ashley? Trust me, I know.

PS- I think it is curtains tonight for Stephanie. If you are saying "Who dat?" there, in itself, lies the problem with Stephanie.


I am not a lesbian.
If I was, I would probably watch the "L" Word on Showtime.

But I would never ever ever miss an episode of "Workout" on Bravo which started it's second season last night. Why? Because lesbos need their ultimate fantasies just like gay guys. Just in case you don't know the premise of this reality-esque show, it is a supposedly unscripted series detailing the dramas at an elite Beverly Hills gym called Sky Sport & Spa. The show chronicles the demanding owner's efforts to build the business, manage her trainers and satisfy her select clientele.

Translation- Jackie the power bitch gets to boss around everyone in her gym! Big strappin' straight and gay guys just about fall to their knees and hang on her every word. All kinds of women want to be her, want to be like her, want to be with her.

But there are plenty of reasons for guys like us to watch too-

One of the upcoming plots (according to last night's coming attractions) involves a very buff male model who enlists the services of "Jesse" one of the gay male personal trainers who insists that Mr. Model remove his shirt to expose his chiseled chest before he starts his workout with him.


I mean, you can meet the cast of "Workout" on the Bravo website .
If you missed any episodes from last season or this season's premiere, don't worry they will play it like six hundred times overs the next week.

Till next time ALTernating Channels over and out.


duane said...

Why you gotta be hating on Melinda?!?! She is so fantastic!!

As for workout, I had no idea it was back on last night! Shit! I missed it!!! I am IN LOVE with that guy that stupidly calls himself "peeler"; even though he's an ass. HOT!

Paul said...

Mike, you and I need to talk about "the total package." I'm not sure we see eye-to-eye. Call me.
- - - -
Cute pic of your son (grandson?) holding the remote. I'm almost crying myself just thinking of you two sharing the couch.

Dr. Sparky said...

God. That little girl last night should be crowned the next American Idol. She was more entertaining than anyone on the stage. Including Sanjaya. Did you really just suggest he did a decent job?

Your stock is plummeting.

altmike said...

Dr. Sparky:
I am hoping we can work through this. Perhaps it is just a "glitch" in the road for us? I mean, Sanjaya is a sacred cow for me. I hope you understand. I cannot compromise on this issue. Please tell me we can get past this.... I will do whatever it takes.

Kevin said...

He will do whatever it takes, Dr. Sparky. I've seen the video.

Might I suggest, Alt, ... can I call you Alt? ... that you choose a smaller version of that remote control kid that looks like a cross between Chucky and My Buddy. I'm a little freaked out whenever I see his HUGE face drooling at me.

Bobby said...

That girl is so gonna be upset when she watches Idol and finds out she is an UGLY Crier! Some people are normal criers.. She got the UGLY!

Paul said...

You nailed Stephanie.

altmike said...

Paul thanks for noticing.... :)
It wasn't too hard though...I still think she is Latoya London.

Kendall said...

Sanjaya the "total package?" Maybe for a Breck Girl.... Mike the boy can't sing!

Melinda is a great singer and this is a singing competition NOT a who can sell-out stadiums competition.

As for Ashley, she annoyed me to no end and she probably picked up a few hundred thousand votes for the "Breck Girl."


If I were a lesbian I would be all over that chich from Workout... I bet she can throw you against the wall and do dirty things to you! : )

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